What's In Me

Seahcheng,15


_________________________________

9 SEPTEMBER 1994
Sabaku_kyu94@hotmail.com



Say watcha need to say



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The Last... something something something
another Saturday, July 3, 2010 at 10:03 AM

The whole illuminatis thing took me over for a month. Officially announcing that I don't give a rat's ass now. BIG SIGH OF A HUGE BURDEN BEING SET DOWN.

I have this... sudden craving to be surrounded by my childhood. Childhood not fulfilled!
  • No Playdoh. Stupid sister mixed up all the colours, became one stupid grey chunk. Unfulfilled!
  • Never fully appreciate movies like Toy Story.
  • Surround myself with the Toy Story, Bugs Life, Lion King, Monsters Inc, whatever... these toys. never appreciate properly. Unfulfilled!
  • Never paint my room the theme of a GOOD Disney Movie (nowadays one are crap. EXCEPT TOY STORY 3) Unfulfilled!
  • Never change my sheets to Woody and Buzz Lightyear. Unfulfilled!
  • Never play the cooking game properly. Unfulfilled!
  • Never play enough catching. Unfulfilled!
  • Never throw enough water balloons downstairs. Unfulfilled!
Dunno how many other things not yet done. Unsatisfied lah damn it!

Oh well. I just realised, Angel names are f. cool. Gabriel, Lucifer... Darn man...

Wow this whole post is me nagging like some insecure person who always looks on the positive side of life. I'll look on the positive side now.

I WOKE UP ALIVE!



JC?
another Wednesday, May 26, 2010 at 10:07 PM

Wish the decisions I make will take me places. good places.



Worth a shot.
another Sunday, May 16, 2010 at 12:23 AM

Hey friend, this is gonna be my first indirect behind the mask cause-i-don't-dare-to-do-it-in-real-life kinda post.

Gonna be real direct here. To everyone I have ever stopped being friends before, in general, its either cause I've too many issues with you being kept silent, that if I were to shoot it all out, I KNOW that you wouldn't listen/walk off/hate me. So if I come to a conclusion that it REALLY IS better off going seperate ways, then let it be, cause when I have a hunch about these kinda things, and I don't create the distance, you're really gonna feel the pain.

At first it started off quite well, personal now. I helped you out of a damn sticky situation, remember? In my room, and you KNEW you would be in deep shit, but I helped you. Our friendship grew closer with our next mass outing, brothers we were. Near brothers, but as we got closer, you might have become a lil' more comfortable, and therefore shown out some of your personality. Your immovable mind refused to even fidget when the situation required a little flexibility or giving in. I tolerated it, kept it in, maybe it was just a period, so I continued standing by you, always.

As your inflexibilty become more and more obvious, I couldn't shut an eye to it anymore, tried indirect, then direct ways to tell you. No, denial denial denial. You say... hmm oh yea... but a minute later and poof, there you go, doing it again.

It came to a point I had no more strength to continue on this constant unhappiness, I tried the slow distancing, occassionally being friendly, but otherwise keeping a distance. you should just let the distance grow. Don't fill the hole with water and crocodiles just to spite me. Someday it'll be better, but I swear to god, you make it worse now, there's no turning back.

I did not make this post to insult you, but you have a reason to know :) Don't take this in the negative way. who knows, maybe down the road, we'll start going crazy over raining (desired stuff)



The Smiles Of A Sponge
another Monday, May 10, 2010 at 10:33 PM



Jia Cheng and Jareb are the people I so dearly miss hanging out with, hard to come by friends :)

WHY I AM MISSING SO MANY PEOPLE.
answer: cause my eyes are opened.

Don't tell me before that eyes closed then walk here and bang there.
gonna upload some damn old photo's, then off to bed.












NIGHTS EVERYONE!



Punch me in the face!
another Sunday, May 9, 2010 at 11:36 AM

WTH? JUST REALISED I BLOG DAMN HAPPILY LAST TIME... EVERYTHING SEEMED INTERESTING.

What's happening.



Dao Dai ; Rewind
another Saturday, May 8, 2010 at 10:41 PM

"We laughed and joked around like siao. And thanks to SC (: He's like the joker in our class. Its like, the class paying attention to the teacher while me & him will keep laughing at there like siao until people turn around and look at us, especially me x_x Can laugh until peng la, cramps & chestpain also. He's face just look funny already:x"

SC tried to mimic her voice but in the end he gave up and use his normal voice.

I'm going back school tomorrow ^^. SC said alot of people miss me:x

Anyway, confessing isn't that tough after all. & I'm proud that I did it, together with SC.

Happy 14th Birthday to
.
.
.
.
SeahCheng:D :D :D

SC asked me 2 questions before,
"Who am I closest to in class?"
I said you.
"Who do I quarrel with most in class?"
The answer is the same, you.
But me & SC were doing the paper ourselves, he almost finished the paper already(!!!)
I left two more pages,

Waiting for SC & others to end school

Next year I won't be alone ba(?).
Seah Cheng's and others there.





Guess who said that. :(

I so fucking miss the times when we used to share everything. lost a friend... should have known this was coming.



The old life.
another at 12:29 AM

Just thought I'd use this old template first. I know the colour clashes, but heck, its what I like.

I wanna do this for myself, so bear with me.
My Things I Crave For: (dunno why i keep posting these kinda posts)

To get back with old friends
to get back with zane, we were once like brothers. not to him, but to me. its gone now.
to have the old friends i used to have, the ones who used to be unable to backstab.
to get back with rachel, so much distance.
to get back with jc and jareb, i'm a sudden stranger.
to stop being a hypocrite, what happened? I used to make fun of hypocrites.
to apologise to people about so many things. why the fuck did i do those things.
to apologise to abigail and crystal and xuanjun.
to apologise to andy for somehow abandoning you. Wish we were in Perth
to apologise to kenneth for the many hurtful things i said.
to stop having so much awkwardness. there was actually a period of time i had so much spunk, i would be prepared to do a backflip just to say hi to people and make them smile. now i'm just too lazy to lift up my hand and say hi.
to treat today as my last day, live each moment like my last.
to stop thinking that im so way above people.
to think that NO ONE is inferior to me.

what happened?
when will the time come when we cried out of happiness.
when we still said 'i don't friend you ah'
when we never had any fakeness between us
when we used to enjoy every single moment of our friendship
when we quarreled on the rules of the game, and not on the persons attitude
i still remember every little detail and memory, is it me?
why is it that,... i HAVE to remember these kind of things.
it gives me joy, yet breaks my heart knowing that i'll never be able to see it again.
we never properly knew what anger was, so we couldn't get angry for long
we never even knew the word backstab, so we never would have done it
we used the word fake for pokemon cards, not people's expression
we wouldn't text other people while out with our friends
friends came first. they were the ones who stood behind you
now you're just behind, gotta catch up.
you don't keep up to speed with them, that's it.
fashion, phones, being good-looking, being cool.
when we wished the days would never end when we were together,
but when we went home, we quickly went to sleep to get the day over with.
we always asked 'you okay? I wanna do sth to help ya ;)'
we would create our own language and laugh about it,
we would try making secret handshakes but always gave up in the end
we would eventually fight, but pretend nothing happened.

and now?
we backstab, live in masquerades, everyday is a different mask,
we see someone in pain? 'better not go near him, later lose face'
we just go out, hang out, alright go home
when we go out, there's always a format and structure to follow
meet, be late, use an eternity to decide where to eat and people just stand around texting others
when one person finally decides, we agree grumpily and drag our feet,
we eat the food. silence falls upon all of us.
when we're done, we're suppose to talk about someone we hate to create common ground.
eventually we would hate more people, or we could end up laughing over a childish thing, (the thing i long for.)
once we're done, we get up, and walk aimlessly and talk about things that make us seem cool, has no meaning.
once we're done, we set off the the'outing' place. some people no longer have the mood.
they start texting and appear very uninterested. this affects everyone's mood.
nobody bothers to ask, but only 1 or 2 do. their heads get bitten off, and the moody one wants more attention.
they go home, blog about the negatives, sleep, and repeat the cycle.
every small action that has a little negatives in it, everyone would pick it up,
hold on to it, and twist and turn it into an act of utmost violation and cruelty (backstabbing)








I do admit, that i have fallen victim to some of those things I said, but not the major ones.
How much of those things fit you? Maybe its time to revert to our oldselves.
Why do you think I still like to play catching.